my first day of kindergarten--big, mean Julie and the broken sidewalk

I remember my first day of kindergarten at Thomas Alva Edison Elementary School in Madison Heights, Michigan. I was five years old and my mama walked me to school that day. It wasn't far. One street over and down a half block. I would only go a half a day to morning kindergarten and then go home.

There weren't many other kindergartners on our street and I would be walking home from school by myself so on the way there, Mama carefully told me how to get back home.

"Look for the broken sidewalk. Then turn right at the next corner after it. You'll see the Rank's house."

I was scared and I asked lots of questions but she said I'd do fine.

When we walked into the classroom, I was amazed. What a beautiful place! It was an open, airy room with a high ceiling and lots of windows. There were colorful decorations all over. There were shapes and colors and numbers cut out of construction paper on the walls. Our small oak tables had little wooden chairs around them just waiting for us to begin learning. We walked into the room and my mom introduced me to my teacher. My first day was about to begin and I couldn't wait to get started.

I don't remember what we did after my mama left, or the fun we had, or the things we learned.

But, I do remember Julie.

She was a big, mean girl with slanty eyes and braids. She was strong. While we were in the line to get a drink of water at the fountain, she tried to choke me. I remember her hands tightly around my neck and how it hurt when I pulled away from her.

I don't remember my teacher's name. I only remember her aggravation with me when I told her that Julie had choked me.

"Suzanne, don't be a tattletale. Now go sit down."

I protested but it didn't do any good.

"But, Julie choked me!"

I was flabbergasted by her lack of concern at my danger. You weren't supposed to CHOKE people in kindergarten! That wasn't safe. My mama would be mad that someone had tried to hurt me. But, my teacher never said anything to Julie and I'm the one who got in trouble.

This took the shine right off my greatly anticipated first day of school.

Hungry, still shaken and puzzled by my lack of safety in class, when my half day was finally over I turned the wrong way as I left the school. Nothing looked familiar and I couldn't find the broken sidewalk. I didn't know how to get home. I was alone on the street and there was no one to help me. I started to go up to a house and ask for help. There was one with the front door open and through the screen door I could hear dishes rattling and a television playing. Maybe some other nice Mom would help a lost, hungry little girl find her Mama. I peered into the door and saw the outline of a man sitting in a chair.

Nope.

I didn't want any other dads helping me. Only moms. Mr Rank from down our street looked like a nice dad but Mama told Daddy he beat up Millie because she forgot to brown his fried bologna for lunch. I moved quietly away from the door. I just couldn't bring myself to knock. Strangers lived there.

I thought about going back to the school but I didn't think I was allowed to go back there until tomorrow. So I just stood there--and I cried.

And cried.

I tried to remember the instructions Mama had given me but they all involved that darn broken sidewalk and I couldn't find it. I was never, ever going to get home again.

Then I heard the most beautiful sound in the world.

"Suzanne! Suzanne!"

I sniffed and wiped my nose on my arm. My mama was calling my name. I turned around and she ran to me and hugged me.

"I was worried about you. What are you doing way down here? You were supposed to come the other way."

"I looked and looked but I couldn't find the broken sidewalk."

She wiped my tear-stained face, took my hand in hers and gave me directions again as we walked home.

It had been a tough day. I was hungry. I'd been choked, fussed at and gotten lost.

I just wanted to go home.